I know you beat yourself up at night. You could have done this, you could have done that. You should do this, you should do that. Ten thousand voices of advice ring in your head, saying opposing things, saying nothing. And all that remain from the conflagration in your skull are the hollow ashes of guilt.
You are not superwoman. Some days, you’re hardly more than a slug. And you know what? That’s really OK. It is. Do what you can do; you’ll never be a Type A personality. You’ll never be someone who just go-go-goes. You’ll never even be neuro-typical.
And can you imagine what it would be like to lose your gifts? Your atypicality is your life. It’s the soft place you explore when life is too rough. And yes, it’s what makes life rough in the first place, it’s what makes it loud and bright and sharp, but if it weren’t for that sensory clarity, would you have retreated into the mossy glades of your imagination? Would fairies and dragons and women with superpowers ever interest you?
If you could march to society’s drum every day, where would the magic be? Where would perseverating on a hue of blue fit in? Sometimes the world looks gray, yes, but sometimes the atmosphere is shot with light. If you lost one, you’d lose both.
Dear Jennifer, do not wish away the very things which bring you happiness. Do not cut off your corners to fit in the world’s hole. Square your shoulders and bear what weight you can bear today. Do not beat yourself up for being strange; embrace that you just may be fantastic instead.
So you do not always get the dishes done. So you procrastinate on your work. Address the habits that need addressing. Remove the addictions which need removing. And then sing, paint, write, live. Nourish your artist’s eye and your author’s soul.
I know you beat yourself up at night, dear Jennifer. But tonight, smile instead. In the place of “you could have done this, you should have done that”, try peppering in some, “I did this and I experienced that.” Allow your dreams to be scented with laughter and drawn on clouds. And revel in your eccentricity.
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