Boy Sig, what a week this has been. Physical pain bore down on you. It was your constant companion. It intruded into everything. Even sleep. Hard to remember life before. Seems like it’s never been any other way. I’m the only one who truly understands. The only one who can.
Sweet Grecy is your constant companion. Her love, all encompassing. She cushions you best she can. But, she stands outside, her understanding limited. That makes it your responsibility. An inside job. You need to do it better.
I know sometimes your mind drifts back to thoughts of narcotics. You found relief in them.. But in the end, it turned out illusory. They created more problems than they solved. You climbed their ladder higher and higher on your way to morphine, but with Sweet Grecy’s help, stopped before reaching that rung. Withdrawal took weeks. It created a special hell for both of you. She stood at your side all the way. You can’t go back. Not ever. Stop romancing the idea. Erase them from your mind completely.
Seeing a shrink is a bold move. He’s a good guy. A fellow human you can trust completely. Your last session was good. I want the next to be better. Work hard. Push yourself into new understandings. Find your peace. Renew your purpose. Learn to live without fierce anger. Stop being self-ish. You have many good things in your life. A most wonderful woman. A loving daughter. And a son, who in your mind, walks on water. Don’t push them away. Accept their embraces. Allow them to mitigate your suffering. It’s their burning desire to love you. Respect that.
One more thing—remember your past accomplishments. You haven’t lived a meaningless life. Not by any means. Embrace them, too. They give meaning to everything. Most important, stand strong. Illegitimi non carborundum.
I’m signing off now.
You are always in my thoughts.