Today was big. Aside from the fits of crying punctuating your day, you stood strong in the face of a big fear.
You are not your mother.
Although you have some of the same challenges, you face yours differently. Where she fell before them, hoping they would not sweep her away, you stood firm. No, more than that: you ran at the problem and gave it the finger.
Sure, the finger looked suspiciously like unpacking Mom’s old dishes, washing them, and using them for dinner, but it was “the finger.” Because the whole time you did it, you told yourself, “today is worth celebrating, just as it is. Eating dinner with my family—even just part of my family—IS a special occasion. I will fly in the face of fancy serving dishes only used twice a year, and I will use my fancy serving dishes every day.
“I will rejoice in every cracked plate, every chipped cup. I’ll celebrate the shards of stoneware I sweep up. Because every day I’m saying that THIS is my happy moment: today. Right now.”
She never did that. She talked about it, but she never did it. She questioned why she had an entire set of dishes for Thanksgiving and Christmas, when she rarely entertained at all, and the whole day she’d worry about who chipped which dish. But she never just said, “to Hell with it.”
She never felt today was worth celebrating—only tomorrow, only next week. And Jennifer, today you broke that cycle.
Today is good enough. Today is happy enough. You mattered today. Your family loved you today. You did as much as you could do in one day without hurting yourself or anyone else, and that’s worth celebrating.
Cheers, life. I hold up my fancy teacup to you, and I don’t mind if you chip it.
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