October 9, 2014
You feel the deep detachments as you do every time something major happens in your own life. You stand in the shadows and watch, trying to find your way. Your way where? Your way out of the mess you think you’ve made of your own life. Why do you ask so many questions? How else will you learn?
Someone told me a while back, “You are a flower, go bloom.” You halted a bit. You thought, will I?
Years ago you’re still standing at the precipice looking down into the abyss. You back away from the edge to ponder. You learned to stand on your two feet and move on. There was always something else around the corner, no matter where you lived or what you worked on; there were ways around your problems. That was the hard part, figuring it out.
Well, you had all your life to do that. What made you so special? You don’t think that way about yourself.
You’re here writing. I’d say that’s a big deal.
Yeah, you tell yourself, write and the words will flow. What a lie. You have taken a week or more to THINK, and what direction did that take you in? You thought because you needed time to think that people wouldn’t notice you slacked off? You knew, and you let the words die anyway. What did you have to think about? Yeah, we know a million things that matter to each of us, life.
You had to meditate on where you’re going and how you will get there. There’s no magic door for you or anyone. What needs to be done needs to be done, no matter what it is. You want to cry, you’ve already shed the last tear about this.
Mary, just stop with the worrying about what you did or didn’t do these last few weeks. Stop with the thinking and get on with your writing. You begin to walk around in circles near the precipice, doing what you’ve been doing all week, pondering.
You’re too hard on yourself. You really are. You’re ready to take that leap.
So, there’s only one way across the gulf, run as fast as you can. You need to cross it now. There’s no better time. You jump and, wonder upon wonders, you rise. You’re on your way to the next chapter in your life.
Someone else told you to be kind to yourself. You think, will I? Try it and see. It won’t hurt to try a little kindness on yourself.
That’s what made the jump bearable; it’s time to do just that, be kind to yourself. You needed that more than anything, kindness you never had before, from yourself.
You knew in your heart you’d end up doing what your heart desired. You made that hurdle and you’re writing for your life. You can do this.
Wow, what a rush. You made it across the abyss. That’s the second chapter you made it through, Mary. Please, just write till words overflow the pages. Be mindful of these compassionate words: ‘You are a flower, go bloom’ and ‘Be kind to yourself.’
The next chapter’s words are inside you. Let it out, it’s time to let go of all the anxiety and just be the writer you’re meant to be. Just write.
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